The Asylum, Giant Seafood, USA, 2009
Director: Jack Perez
Writer: Jack Perez
Cast: Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, Vic Chao, Jonathan Nation, Mark Hengst, Michael Teh, Chris Haley, Sean Lawlor, Dustin Harnish, Dean Kreyling, Stephen Blackehart, Dana DiMatteo, Myles Cranford, Dana Healey, John Bolen, Larry Wang Parrish, Aki Hiro, Russ Kingston, Stephanie Gernhauser, Cooper Harris, Matt Lagan, Douglas N. Hachiya, Hunter Ives, Johnny Gilligan, Michael Allendorf, Colin Broussard, Mikos Zavros, Elijah Flores, Daniel Schachtel, Nathan Sikes, David Meador, Jay Beyers, Michael C. Parisi, Michael Drummond, Molly Drummond, Emily Lavigna, Michelle Hodnett, Silje Gruner, Joey Ruggles, Knayi Clement, Brandon Plemons, Conrad Lihilihi, Rebecca Helm, Chan Park, Chuck Willis, Craig Childress, Jay Cynik, Andrew Hamilton, Artem Shatokhin, Jason Covington, Alan Michael Woods, Angela Guerrero, James Rolls, Julia Torchine, Sharon Stockbridge, David William James Elliott, S. Henderson, Sergio Kato, Jack Perez, Dana Tomasko
Oceanographer Emma McNeil is in a experimental minisub off the Alaskan coast in an unsanctioned dive looking for whales. She didn’t technically steal the sub but she borrowed it without asking. She finds a big herd of whales but something happens. The whales seem to be disturbed by something and several of them seem to lose their ability to navigate, making them crash into an iceberg. There is some sort of secret testing of a LFAS (low frequency automatic sonar) going on and nobody was supposed to be in the area. The LFAS affects the subs instruments too, and Emma has a hard time trying to steer it in the middle of a stampede of whales. The iceberg cracks and two enormous shapes seem to leave after geting loose from being trapped in the ice.
In California a big whale carcass has been washed ashore and Emma is called there together with her boss to determine what has killed the whale. The beach is sealed off by “suits”. Emma want to examine the whale to see what caused it’s death, but her boss decides the wounds to be caused by a propeller. Emma sneaks back to the beach later that night and find something big and strange embedded in the whale’s flesh. The next day she is fired from her job over “borrowing” the experimental sub and causing severe damages to it. She contacts her old professor, Sanders, and he is sympathetic, since he once got fired from the navy for stealing a sub himself. After some research and some tests they determine the object Emma found in the whale to be a tooth. A humongous prehistoric tooth from a Megalodon.
Meanwhile an oilrig off the coast of Japan is destroyed. Authorities blame seismic activity, but the sole survivor claims it was a monster from the sea. Oceanographer Seiji Shimada is investigating the event and somehow he and Sanders gets in contact. Shimada travel to the US to meet Sanders and Emma. He is impressed by the Megalodon tooth, but a giant shark doesn’t fit in with what his witness from the oilrig described. Emma gets a DVD delivered with footage from the minisub’s cameras. Now they can see both a megalodon and a giant octopus leaving the iceberg. The shark and the octopus were both frozen in the ice and now there are two different prehistoric beasts out there.
All of a sudden armed men tear down Sanders’ door and haul the tre scientists off at gun point. They are taken to a secret facility where they learn that the two monsters have attacked both civilian and military vessels all over the world, taking down oil rigs and even airplanes. The navy has tried in vain to kill them but now they need help from Emma, Sanders and Shimada. The three agree to help, in exchange for the government trying to capture the creatures for study rather than destroy them.
Emma. Sanders and Shimoda works around the clock with mixing different colors in the secret lab. You know it’s a military laboratory since it’s patrolled by armed guards wearing camouflage and dark sunglasses indoors in the middle of the night. Emma and Shimada sneaks off and have sex in a broom cupboard and then at last, they find the exact color they need. It’s time to go fishing.
So how bad is it? Well, the title for one thing is not so bad. Apart from that it’s pretty bad. Unfortunately not in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way, but just plain bad. The CGI sucks and the script is dull. It’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen (or even among the very worst), since it was still watchable. I’d say the big problem is it was boring. If You like the idea of two giant sea monsters coming alive and continuing a fight they started 10 (or 18, depending on who You believe in) billion years ago, of a shark jumping up in the air and snatching 747’s, of a giant octopus breaking warships in half and demolishing oil rigs, watch the trailer. All the cool stuff from the film is already there. The rest is just filling.
My verdict: 4 out of 10.