Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Mega Shark vs. Gigant Octupus

The Asylum, Giant Seafood, USA, 2009
AKA:
Director: Jack Perez
Writer: Jack Perez
Cast: Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, Vic Chao, Jonathan Nation, Mark Hengst, Michael Teh, Chris Haley, Sean Lawlor, Dustin Harnish, Dean Kreyling, Stephen Blackehart, Dana DiMatteo, Myles Cranford, Dana Healey, John Bolen, Larry Wang Parrish, Aki Hiro, Russ Kingston, Stephanie Gernhauser, Cooper Harris, Matt Lagan, Douglas N. Hachiya, Hunter Ives, Johnny Gilligan, Michael Allendorf, Colin Broussard, Mikos Zavros, Elijah Flores, Daniel Schachtel, Nathan Sikes, David Meador, Jay Beyers, Michael C. Parisi, Michael Drummond, Molly Drummond, Emily Lavigna, Michelle Hodnett, Silje Gruner, Joey Ruggles, Knayi Clement, Brandon Plemons, Conrad Lihilihi, Rebecca Helm, Chan Park, Chuck Willis, Craig Childress, Jay Cynik, Andrew Hamilton, Artem Shatokhin, Jason Covington, Alan Michael Woods, Angela Guerrero, James Rolls, Julia Torchine, Sharon Stockbridge, David William James Elliott, S. Henderson, Sergio Kato, Jack Perez, Dana Tomasko

Oceanographer Emma McNeil is in a experimental minisub off the Alaskan coast in an unsanctioned dive looking for whales. She didn’t technically steal the sub but she borrowed it without asking. She finds a big herd of whales but something happens. The whales seem to be disturbed by something and several of them seem to lose their ability to navigate, making them crash into an iceberg. There is some sort of secret testing of a LFAS (low frequency automatic sonar) going on and nobody was supposed to be in the area. The LFAS affects the subs instruments too, and Emma has a hard time trying to steer it in the middle of a stampede of whales. The iceberg cracks and two enormous shapes seem to leave after geting loose from being trapped in the ice.

In California a big whale carcass has been washed ashore and Emma is called there together with her boss to determine what has killed the whale. The beach is sealed off by “suits”. Emma want to examine the whale to see what caused it’s death, but her boss decides the wounds to be caused by a propeller. Emma sneaks back to the beach later that night and find something big and strange embedded in the whale’s flesh. The next day she is fired from her job over “borrowing” the experimental sub and causing severe damages to it. She contacts her old professor, Sanders, and he is sympathetic, since he once got fired from the navy for stealing a sub himself. After some research and some tests they determine the object Emma found in the whale to be a tooth. A humongous prehistoric tooth from a Megalodon.

Meanwhile an oilrig off the coast of Japan is destroyed. Authorities blame seismic activity, but the sole survivor claims it was a monster from the sea. Oceanographer Seiji Shimada is investigating the event and somehow he and Sanders gets in contact. Shimada travel to the US to meet Sanders and Emma. He is impressed by the Megalodon tooth, but a giant shark doesn’t fit in with what his witness from the oilrig described. Emma gets a DVD delivered with footage from the minisub’s cameras. Now they can see both a megalodon and a giant octopus leaving the iceberg. The shark and the octopus were both frozen in the ice and now there are two different prehistoric beasts out there.

All of a sudden armed men tear down Sanders’ door and haul the tre scientists off at gun point. They are taken to a secret facility where they learn that the two monsters have attacked both civilian and military vessels all over the world, taking down oil rigs and even airplanes. The navy has tried in vain to kill them but now they need help from Emma, Sanders and Shimada. The three agree to help, in exchange for the government trying to capture the creatures for study rather than destroy them.

Emma. Sanders and Shimoda works around the clock with mixing different colors in the secret lab. You know it’s a military laboratory since it’s patrolled by armed guards wearing camouflage and dark sunglasses indoors in the middle of the night. Emma and Shimada sneaks off and have sex in a broom cupboard and then at last, they find the exact color they need. It’s time to go fishing.

So how bad is it? Well, the title for one thing is not so bad. Apart from that it’s pretty bad. Unfortunately not in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way, but just plain bad. The CGI sucks and the script is dull. It’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen (or even among the very worst), since it was still watchable. I’d say the big problem is it was boring. If You like the idea of two giant sea monsters coming alive and continuing a fight they started 10 (or 18, depending on who You believe in) billion years ago, of a shark jumping up in the air and snatching 747’s, of a giant octopus breaking warships in half and demolishing oil rigs, watch the trailer. All the cool stuff from the film is already there. The rest is just filling.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Bounty Killer

Bounty Killer

Just Chorizo Productions/Kickstart Productions, USA, 2013
AKA:
Director: Henry Saine
Writer: Jason Dodson, Colin Ebeling, Henry Saine
Cast: Matthew Marsden, Kristanna Loken, Christian Pitre, Barak Hardley, Abraham Benrubi, Gary Busey, Beverly D’Angelo, Eve, Kevin McNally, Alexa PenaVega, Jolene Andersen, Chasty Ballesteros, Ivar Brogger, Cham, Tyra Colar, Will Collyer, Robbie Davis, Vince Dyer, Chris Graue, Alex Huynh, Ryan Hanna King, Everton Lawrence, Jeff Meacham, Jessica Meraz, Soon Hee Newbold, Mindy Robinson, Alex Scolari, Andre Drekno Simmons, Robert Tarpinian, Calvin Tenner, Melvin Tenner, Matthew Willig, Cathy Zukimoto, Lacey Joy

“I’m stealing a stagecoach from a bunch of savages with a wanted criminal moonlighting as a bounty killer, who has the hots for a murderous deranged gypsy. I’ve never stopped believing.”

– Gun Caddie Jack LeMans

The big corporations got more and more powerful until they took over the world’s governments. Their hunger for profit made them wage war on competition with their own armies. This led to what has been known as the Corporate Wars, which became the end of the civilized world as we know it. Out of the ashes rose The Council of Nine trying to bring back law and order to the world. They issue death warrants on white collar criminals and bounty killers are hunting these criminals down for the reward. The survivors of the apocalypse sees these bounty killers as avengers. Twenty years after the war bounty killers are the new heroes, the new rock stars, the new celebrities.

Two competing bounty killers, Drifter and Mary Death, hits a corporate party at a penthouse together. Before going in guns blazing Drifter tells Mary Death he only wants one of the people inside, and she can have all the rest. Next day Drifter turn up in San Dalloosa City with a body to collect the reward. There is a cheering crowd and he is approached by a reporter wanting an interview and Jack LeMans who want’s to be his new gun caddie. Drifter tells the reporter off. He never do interviews. Then Mary Death turns up in her Mustang with her own logo on it and a trailer stacked with dead bodys, the crowd looses all interest in Drifter. Mary Death is selling t-shirts, signing autographs and posing for pictures. Drifter finds out there is a death warrant issued for his old friend Harry. As he and his new gun caddie leaves to try to find Frank and find out what’s happened there is a new warrant coming through on the faxmachine. This warrant is for Drifter.

When Mary Death finds out about the death warrant issued for Drifter she goes after him and catches up at Harry’s bar in Drip Rock. Mary confronts him and he admits that before he was Drifter he was Francis Goreman, CEO of a weapons manufacturing corporation. He sais he has to go see the Council of Nine and talk to the judges. No one has ever appealed a death warrant before and Mary sais this would be suicide since the council guards will kill him on sight. Harry was already dead when Drifter arrived and he suspects luring him there was a trap. Before they have a chance to finish their conversation, and Mary to decide wether to help Drifter or to kill him, they are attacked by “yellow ties”.

Drifter and LeMans get away and head for the Council. To get there they have to cross the dangerous Badlands, but as they are getting close to the border they are captured by gypsys. Those are fierce facepainted savages rumourded to be cannibals. The gypsy queen interogates them of the whereabouts of a gypsy girl named Nuri. She ran away some years ago after killing the gypsy king, and she had talked about trying to find Drifter. Despite being tortured Drifter denies all knowledge of this Nuri girl. We, on the other hand, learns that Nuri is Mary Death. Drifter created her. He trained her, taught her everything he knew and for some time they hade a love affair but eventually things got sour between them. Drifter and LeMans escapes from the gypsys but not before a big bloody fight. Jimbo, a coyote, which is a person who smuggles white collars out of bounty killers territory, but also Drifter’s snitch, has crossed the Badlands before so they go see him to persuade him to take them.

Meanwhile, Mary Death is lost in the Badlands. When trying to find her way out she finds a gypsy scout dying from radiation. He tells her the gypsys are in the Badlands because they are coming for her. She has to find her way out of the Badlands before the radiation kills her or the gypsys find her, and she has to decide if she is to speak to the judges on Drifter’s behalf or if she is going to kill him and collect the reward.

I didn’t really know much about this film as I sat down to watch it. I had seen some bad reviews and most of these compared it to Mad Max, but claimed it was a bleak copy. I loved Mad Max (and The Road Warrior) when I saw it on rental VHS as a kid and I’ve seen my share of clones good and bad through the years. I didn’t expect much from Bounty Killer but boy was I in for a surprise. I see why so many compare it to Mad Max, but I don’t see the “copy” thing. Mad Max was obviously one inspiration, but it’s no clone. Bounty Killer is a tongue in cheek action film in a dystopian post apocalypse setting. It’s styled to death shootouts in designer outfits. Mary Death is as rock’nroll as it gets. I for one, would buy the t-shirt!

My verdict: 9 out of 10.

Delinquent Girl Boss: Worthless to Confess

Delinquent Girl Boss: Worthless to Confess

Toei Company, Japan, 1971
AKA: Zubekô Banchô: Zange No Neuchi Mo Nai/Delinquent Girl Boss: Unworthy of Penance
Director: Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Writer: Norio Miyashita, Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Cast: Reiko Oshida, Junzaburô Ban, Nobuo Kaneko, Yumiko Katayama, Yukie Kagawa, Tsunehiko Watase, Ichirô Nakatani, Tonpei Hidari, Yôko Ichiji, Shizuko Kasagi, Masumi Tachibana, Mieko Tsudoi

I realize I left out part 3, Delinquent Girl Boss: Ballad of the Yokohama Hoods. It’s supposed to be in my collection but for some reason, I couldn’t find it. So here is part 4, and I will write about part 3 when I find it. When I watched Delinquent Girl Boss: Tokyo Drifters I first wasn’t sure whether it was supposed to be a sequel to the first film or if it was a remake. There were differences but there were also many themes that existed in both films even though they were partially reworked.

When watching DGB: Worthless to Confess, I realize Yamaguchi is using the same story over and over but toying with different variations. This time as always, the story begins with Rika being an inmate at Akagi Girls School for Juvenile Delinquents. There is a viewing of what is supposed to be an educational film but instead is a violent action movie with a very popular actor, and when the principal stops the film the girls are upset on the verge of rioting. Then comes the “bath scene” where the girls undress and goes into the pool. In DGB: Blossoming Night Dreams there is a big fight in the bath house where all the girls are involved, in DGB: Tokyo Drifters the girls riot when the physician acts like a creep and tries to force the pregnant girl to undress against her will. The fight in the bath is now all the girls against the female guard who is stripped on her keys and her clothes and thrown in the pool, as the girls stage the mass escape. In DGB: Worthless to Confess, there is only a small altercation between two of the girls. In all 3 films Rika is released one year later, but instead of getting jobs at a dry cleaner or a toy factory where her supervisors try to get into her pants, she goes straight to the nice honest person that takes her in. This time it’s no Madame (club owner or head of street vendor clan) but a Master. Rika moves in with Mr. Muraki, the father of Midori, her cellmate at Akagi, and she get a job in his car shop. Midori and her father are estranged, but Rika tries to make peace between them. Midori’s boyfriend is yakuza and he is one of the family trying to pressure her father for money.

Another of the girls from Akagi, Mari, has big problems. Her husband is yakuza and has been in jail for many years where he became very ill, and his former friends doesn’t help out so Mari must try to make money enough by posing for nude paintings. She is pregnant so she doesn’t know for how long she can go on. Instead of street vendor Bon, who was Rikas love interest and the son of Madame, we now have a truckdriver who is also the younger brother of Mari’s ill husband.

When Rika learns that the yakuza has blackmailed Mr. Muraki and taken 3000 yen from him she goes there and asks to have the money back. She says she will do anything they want if they return the money. They tell her to strip naked but before she loses her underwear Midori interferes. Just like in DGB: Blossoming Night Dreams the yakuza is willing to trade the girls for land. This time from Mr. Muraki.

Muraki goes there and reveals to the yakuza that he used to be one of them. In fact he once cut their leader across the face with a razor. When they learn who he is they get afraid and let him take the girls with him. Midori leaves her boyfriend and is moving back home. (This mirrors Bons homecoming to Madame in the second Rika-film.) Mari’s husband tells the boss of the yakuza that Mari is pregnant and that he wants out. He is asked to carry out one last job – to murder Mr. Muraki. He is getting paid 3000 yen for the job. The same 3000 that was taken from Muraki. He tries to stab Muraki with a knife, but even though he is very drunk, Muraki manages to take the knife from his hand. Yakuza then kills both of them.

Rika and the other girls vows to avenge Muraki and just as they did in DGB: Tokyo Drifters, they dress up in red matching trench coats and do “the march of death” to the yakuza headquarters for the final showdown.

If DGB: Tokyo Drifters was lighter, more of a comedy version of the Rika-saga, DGB: Worthless to Confess, is darker again. I’d say it’s the darkest of the three I’ve seen. This doesn’t mean it’s no fun at all. While the swordfight between the girls and the yakuza was chaotic in the first film it’s choreographed this time. One of the girls have a sudden nip slip in the middle of it all and one of the others shouts “Senmitsu, Your boobs!” and helps her put them back, Katanas still cutting everything close enough around them.

My verdict: 5 out of 10.

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

Syfy/The Asylum, USA, 2011
AKA: ?
Director: Mary Lambert
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman
Cast: Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, A Martinez, Kathryn Joosten, Kevin M. Horton, Carey Van Dyke, Micky Dolenz, Robert R. Shafer, Carl Ciarfalio, Steve Hart, Kaiwi Lyman, Patrick Hancock, Arden Cho, Chris Neville, Kristen Wilson, Jack Nathan Harding, Angelica Acedo, David Bantly, Kimberly Bishop, Harmony Blossom, Colleen Bosler, Jay Beyers, Clint Brink, Eddie Caldwell, Ashley Carr, Mo Caudell, Antonio D. Charity, Kate Charceston, Lauren Kim, David Chick , Robert Chu, Jenifer Cononico, Kenny Cooper, Jo Jo Crown, Candice Cunningham, Frank Lyon, Michael Dixon, Jeff DuJardin, Kim Farris, Andy Finan, Vicki Finan, Taryn T. Francis, Myron Fulton, David L. Garber, Enid Garber, Howard Gibson, Peter Grimaldo, Suzanne Gutierrez, Song Hanz, Jon Henderson, John F. Henry II, Daniel Hepner, Kylan James, Justin Jones, Mark Kivisto, Rachel Lary, Ryan Latour, Banen, Armonn Livingston, Scott Mannschreck, Lucy Mattos, Roxanna Medina, Henry Miller, Khin Myint, Cindy Newland, Derric J. Nugent, Cassandra Peca, Isabel Perez, Danielle Phelan, Antonio Quinn, Lauren Rideau, Renee Riess, Elma Rogers, Gabriella Volquartz, Peter Trenholm Smith, Vanessa Claire Stewart, Craig Stansfield, Archie Tullos ,Joseph Vega, April Wahlin, Carlo, Meredith Zerda, Valerie K. Garcia, Gregory Paul Smith, Timothy E. Goodwin, Gil Harris, Vincent De Paul, Sarah Belger, Coby Bird, Nick Bird, Thomas J. Clark, Deanna DeLisle, Jay Gillespie, Joseph Kintzer, Bob Merrick, Andrew Senita, Jennifer Skiffington, Douglas Smith, January Welsh, John Escobedo Jr., Nathan Krosley, Gary Colón, Kristen Erdogan, Erin Kolpek, Abbey Lerman, Nadejda Klein, Eric Scott Cooper, Roxy Gannon, Michael Gaglio, Angela Landis, Joseph Martinez, Ken Anthony II, Cash Flagg Jr., Mc Jones, Travis Seaborn, Christian Villarreal, Marissa Welsh

Dr. Nikki Riley and her group of animal rights activists break in to a private house and steal a number of pythons which they set free in the Everglades. There aren’t really any natural enemies to the snakes and they start to grow into extreme sizes. Eventually they start to attack alligators and kills 72 of them over a weekend. The decline in alligators make Park Ranger Terry O’Hara stop all alligator hunting permits. This upsetts the local hunters, but when she finds out giant snakes are the cause of the decline, she issues hunting permits for pythons instead. Dr. Riley isn’t happy and she and her group rally ouside the Park Ranger office.

Before the hunting expedition leaves one of the rangers instructs them on how to cut the snakes heads off and stresses the fact that they have to crush the heads after cutting them off, since they can stay alive up to an hour after being separated from the body. This information could have come in handy later on in the movie if everybody had listened. The snakehunters manages to kill some of the big pythons, but the pythons strike back and several of the hunters are killed. Among them Terry’s fiancee justin. Terry vows to avenge his death, and to get rid of all the snakes she figuers bigger alligators would tip the scale. Together with a co-ranger she in secret starts to inject dead chickens with anabolic steroids, and feed them to the alligators. Her plan seems to work since the alligators are getting bigger and the pythons are getting fewer. Terry doesn’t know that Nikki and her group has put up cameras all over the place and has managed to film Terry feeding the gators.

Six months later Terry is planning a fund raiser to help preserv wildlife. Dr. Diego Ortiz asks her to cancel the fund raiser. He has witnessed a huge python and an even bigger alligator fight each other and he realises there is a war between the two gigantic species. He wants to call in the National Guard before things get even worse. Terry refuses to listen and goes ahead with the fund raiser. Diego finds hundreds of alligator eggs 30 times their normal size. He blows them up with dynamite, but later he finds a cave where there are thousands more. Nikki and her group discovers a python skeleton the size of a train and get attacked by an alligator big as a house. She realises why Terry was feeding the gators and what she has done, so she heads for the fund raiser to confront her. Terry and Nikki gets into a catfight nockin glasses, chairs and tables over. They fight all over the place and end up in the river. During their figt Diego has tried to call them to get them to evacuate. The alligators and the pythons has stopped fighting and are on their way to town and the fund raiser together. Finally Terry and Nikki realise they have to stop fighting and work together if they are gonna be able to stop the reptiles from getting all the way to Miami.

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is rather silly really, but I suppose nobody expects any Oscar nominations from The Asylum or SyFy. If You take it for what it is, it is entertaining at least. I thought it was fun, but it won’t make my top 10 list. Probably not even my top 100. If You never saw a snake eat a train this film is for You.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Lake Placid 3

Lake Placid 3

Stage 6 Films/RCR Media Group/UFO Films/Curmudgeon Films, USA, 2010
AKA: ?
Director: Griff Furst
Writer: David Reed
Cast: Colin Ferguson, Yancy Butler, Kirsty Mitchell, Kacey Clarke, Jordan Grehs, Michael Ironside, Mark Evans, Nils Hognestad, Bianca Ilich, Angelica Penn, Brian Landon, Atanas Srebrev, Don Andersen, Roxanne Pallett, James Marchant, Velizar Binev, John Laskowski, Ivo Simeonov, Kremena Otashliyska

Everyone, oddly enough, just like in Lake Placid 2 has totally forgot about earlier crocodile attacks. A brittish teen couple hitches a ride to the lake to hang out by the water and have sex on the beach. OC they end upp as crocodile food. Just like the bugarians who had the same idea in number 2. At this point I realised my version of the film was the cut TV-version so I missed out on all the tits and Roxanne Paletts much talked about full frontal nudity.

Crazy Sadie Bickerman’s nephew Nathan, his wife Susan and his young son Connor is at the lakehouse to clean out her (an her sisters) stuff. They plan to sell the house, but since people are still a bit freaked out about crocs, they decide to keep it until they can get a better prise. Connor who wants a pet, wanders off and find a cople of baby crocs which he starts to feed. Guess it runs in the family. The family goes back to town, but since Nathan is a game warden and has a problem with elks disappering en masse in the area around the lake, and Susan is a successful real estate agent and never home, Connor sneaks off to the lake to feed the crocodiles as often as he can. He even begins to steal meat at the store.

Nathan suspects Reba, a female poacher but most likely the elks became crocodile food. When he finds the severed head of a big elk he calls on Sheriff Willinger. Willinger has checked the entire lake four times and is certain there are no more crocs, but it turns out he is wrong. He and Nathan goes out in a boat to try and hunt the crocodiles down and kill them before they kill any more people. Meanwhile a teenager hires Reba as a guide to help him find his girlfriend, who is somewhere in the woods surrounding the lake. His girlfriend, Ellie, has gone camping with another girl and two creeps. One of them tries every trick to get the girls naked and when they changes into bikinis he is spying on them and filming them with his phone. The other one has lied to Ellie about her boyfriend cheating on her and that’s why she went along camping.

Connor sneaks off to the Lake House to feed the crocodiles but he is followed by Vica, the babysitter. Her dog is killed by a crocodile and she is severly bitten, but Susan turns up and she and Connor get Vica into the lake house. Their cellphones doesn’t work and crocodiles are staking out the yard so they can’t get to the car but is stuck in the house.

Reba, two poacher friends of hers and Ellies boyfriend is on a boat when the crocodiles attack them and kill one of the poachers. The crocodiles attack again in the woods. It’s getting dark so they decide to try to get to the lake house, unaware of the crocodile siege. Nathan and Sheriff Willinger is going for the lake house to and even Ellie is on her way there, even if she doesn’t know where she’s going.

The crocodiles in Lake Placid 3 is different from the ones in 1 and 2. They seem to be more intelligent and they seem to hunt as a group. When some of the people from the lake house finally manages to get away the crocodiles follows into town and attacks again in the same store where Connor stole meat to feed them.

Since I was watching the titless version there wasn’t really any skin, but there was definitely more blood and fiercer crocodile attacks than before. The film felt a bit darker and at first I felt it was going to be better than Lake Placid 2, even if not as good as Lake Placid 1. I soon changed my mind though. Apart from Michael Ironside and some of the smallest parts, acting was terrible. Most of the time overacting as if they didn’t take their part seriosly themselves. There wasn’t really a story and most of the characters were annoying, stupid or mean, so You just couldn’t wait to see them get eaten. Reba was probably supposed to be some sort of female Rambo, but she was just silly and over the top. The film would have been much better without her, but I hear she returns in the next sequel. So compared to part 2 I would say more blood (+), less story (-) and less believable characters (-).

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Delinquent Girl Boss: Tokyo Drifters

Delinquent Girl Boss: Tokyo Drifters

Toei Company, Japan, 1970
AKA: Zubekô banchô: Tôkyô nagaremono, Girl Vagrants of Tokyo
Director: Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Writer: Kazuhiko Yamaguchi, Norio Miyashita
Cast: Reiko Oshida, Yukie Kagawa, Masumi Tachibana, Tsunehiko Watase, Mieko Tsudoi, Tamami Natsu, Tōru Yuri, Akira Hitomi, Akira Ôizumi, Hachiro Azuma, Sanji Kojima, Kichijirô Ueda, Toshiaki Minami, Chikako Miyagi, Tonpei Hidari, Kôji Nanbara

This is the second Delinquent Girl Boss film about Rika. Last time we saw her, she and her girlfriends were in the back of a prison transport on their way to Akagi Girls School for juvenile delinquents. One of the girls is pregnant and management won’t let her see her boyfriend to discuss the situation, so Rika and the other girls riot and stages a mass escape. They get caught but their pregnant friend manages to get away, and that was the purpose of it anyway.

One year later Rika is released and works at a toyfactory. Just like in Delinquent Girl Boss: Blossoming Night Dreams she looses her job for not sleeping with her boss. She goes looking for a new job and is robbed by a pick pocket. A handsome street vendor interferes and she gets her money back. Then she runs into a man who offers her a job. He brings her to see his boss, Madame.

Madame is the head of the Gasetora clan. Once a big organisation of streetvendors, but since her son left only herself and the man who brought Rika there remains. Just as in the previous film it turns out Madame has been an inmate at the same facility Rika comes from, and soon Rikas friends start working as street vendors for Madame to. All except one, Senmitsu, who is working in a brothel.

Autumn festival is coming up and for some reason the Yakuza want to run the Gasetora clan out of business and take over their stalls at the festival. They threaten all the suppliers so the Gasetoras have nothing to sell, but Rika and her friends gets merchendise from the toyfactory where she used to work in exchange for not telling on the supervisor who tried to get her in bed. When there is business as usuall the Yakuza trashes their boots and there is a big fight. The handsome street vendor from earlier shows up and turns out to be Madames lost son Bon.

Senmitsu’s boyfriend has asked her to marry him, but he is a Yakuza and his boss wants 1.000.000 yen to let him go. Senmitsu works overtime to get the money but the Yakuza isn’t satisfied. They want her boyfriend to do one last job for them – to murder Madame. He sees no way out, but is tricked by his former friends and is killed to. Rika, Senmitsu and the four other girls from Akagi dresses up in long red coats and red hats and goes to take revenge on the Yakuza.

The last part of the film is a big swordfight between the girls and the Yakuza. Bon has learned about his mothers murder and turns up to help the girls and to kill the head of the Yakuza.

Delinquent Girl Boss: Tokyo Drifters feels more like a remake of the first one than a sequel. Except for the riot and mass escape in the beginning and the showdown with the Yakuza towards the end, the story is thin and a bit slow. It’s not as dark as the first one, but the swordfight at the end is much more violent and bloody than the showdown in the previous film. It’s not bad but not as good as the first one.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Lake Placid 2

Lake Placid 2

Asgaard Branding, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, Twentieth Century Fox, Unified Film Organization (UFO), USA, 2007
AKA:
Director: David Flores
Writer: Todd Hurvitz, Howie Miller
Cast: John Schneider, Sarah Lafleur, Sam McMurray, Chad Michael Collins, Alicia Ziegler, Joe Holt, Ian Reed Kesler, Justin Urich, Cloris Leachman, VJ Kewl, Robert Blush, Jonas Talkington, Terence H. Winkless, Michael McCoy, Andrea Enright, Zhasmina Toskova, Vlado Mihailov, Yana Marinova

I did like the original Lake Placid but didn’t have too high hopes for this sequel. None of the original cast returns (unless You count a black and white photo of Betty White) and it’s made straight for TV. This usually means “not very good, or at least worse than the original”.

Anyway, eight years has passed since they shiped off the giant crocodile and everyone seems to have forgotten all about it. Maybe the authoritys covered it up somehow or maybe people just don’t watch the news anymore. There’s a new sheriff in town. He has a weird haircut and doesn’t belive in any crocodiles in his lake, so when a researcher tells him his partner was killed by something in the lake while they were getting watersamples, his first guess is he had to much to smoke and forgot he was alone on the lake. When shown the arm and the leg that remains of the researcher, his second guess is a mountainlion or a bear. I’m no wild life expert, but I’d guess it’s not very common for either mountainlions or bears to attack people in boats on deep water.

Fish and Wildlife sends Emma to help with the investigation. She and Sheriff Riley has a history of dating which didn’t lead to anything but there is chemistry… Sheriff Riley’s son, Scott, who lives in Boston but is here for the summer finds chemistry to with Kerri. She has a boyfriend but Scott is invited to go to the lake with them and their friends.

Riley, Emma and the researcher, Frank, goes out in a boat, finds Franks friends head, and goes talking to “Crazy Sadie”. Sadie Bickerman is the sister of Delores Bickerman who fed the original crocodile live cattle and as those of us who’s seen the first film, cuddeled little baby crocs. She went missing one day and was never found, and her sister moved into her cottage.

Three bulgarians arrives at a beach. The two girls gets in the water topless splashing water at each other and playing around. The boy turns around changeing into swim trunks and when he turn back their gone. He goes into the water shouting for them and then they’re crocfood all three of them. As far as I know none of them has any connection to anyone else in the story so probably they’re just filling material. Someone probably wanted som T&A in the film and somebody else wanted more victims so they put the bulgarians in there as shreddies to cater for those needs.

Mirroring Hector Cyr’s arrival by helicopter in the first film, Struthers and his handyman/personal slave Ahmad arrive in an airplaine. Struthers is an arrogant egomaniac of a big game hunter hungry for some crocodile hunting. After Ahmad manages to kill the croc everyone relaxes but then their camp is attacked by enother one. Riley finds out his son is camping by the lake and sets out to find him. The y have allready been attacked but he takes the survivors to Crazy Sadie’s place. Crazy Sadie admits that her sister raised three children of the first crocodile and that she has been taking care of them since her sisters disappearance. She promises to take care of the kids while Riley hunts down the rest of the crocodiles, but can she be trusted?

There are lots of terribly bad CGI in Lake Placid 2. The crocs could have been better, but weirdest is Struthers airplane that lands on the water and when the camera zooms out it’s gone again. People to are acting strange. In the beginning Emma allmost faints when she sees the bit off leg of the first victim, and she states “Always had a weak stomach for blood” yet she gladly dives in the water from the boat to retrieve the same victims head. Sheriff Riley shows signs of psychopathy joking and cracking oneliners as people around him get killed by the crocs. Struthers is an asshole but he’s supposed to be one. Riley is supposed to be the hero. How is Struthers while up in his plane able to talk to Riley and Ahmad on the boat, when they neither wear headsets or have handheld radios? Despite all it’s flaws I liked it better than I expected to. It’s bad but it’s not that bad, if You know what I mean.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Delinquent Girl Boss: Blossoming Night Dreams

Delinquent Girl Boss

Toei Company, Japan, 1970
AKA: Zubekô banchô: Yume wa yoru hiraku/Blossoming Night Dreams/Tokyo Bad Girls
Director: Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Writer: Norio Miyashita, Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Cast: Reiko Oshida, Masumi Tachibana, Yukie Kagawa, Keiko Fuji, Hayato Tani, Saburô Bôya, Bokuzen Hidari, Tonpei Hidari, Nobuo Kaneko, Toshiaki Minami, Junko Miyazono, Junko Natsu, Harumi Sone, Kayako Sono, Yasushi Suzuki, Tatsuo Umemiya

Juvenile delinquent Rika is released from prison and has decided to live an ordinary life within the law. She gets a job at a drycleaner, but things don’t work out so well. The owner is trying hard to get into bed with her and his wife hates her and accuses her of stealing. She leaves to look for some other job but runs in to a pack of girls that attack her. She beats them up and meets a guy who claims he can get her a job in the bar where he works. It turns out some of her girlfriends from jail is already working there and the owner too is a former juvenile delinquent and has done time in the same prison.

Mr. Ohba, a local Yakuza leader wants to take over the bar and has offered to buy it on several ocasions. Problem is he won’t take no for an answer, and he is prepared to do whatever nesesary to get it. One of Rikas friends who work at the bar has a little sister who is a drugaddict. She gets her drugs from the same female gang Rika beat up earlier, and to complicate things further they are selling for Mr. Ohba.

For a Pinku Violence this film is pretty tame both on violence and nudity compared to later films. There are however a lot of catfights and there is a veritable massacre at the end when the girls decides to stand up against the Yakuza and they go at each other with swords and knives.

My verdict: 5 out of 10.

Related

Delinquent Boss: Ocho, the She Wolf

Furyô banchô: Inoshika Ochô

Toei Company, Japan, 1969
AKA: Furyô banchô: Inoshika Ochô, Wolves of the City, Wolves of the City: The Hussy and the Hooligans, Delinquent Boss & Inoshika Ocho
Director: Yukio Noda
Writer: Tarô Bonten, Isao Matsumoto, Hideaki Yamamoto
Cast: Tatsuo Umemiya, Shin’ichi Chiba, Shigeru Katsumi, Tetsurô Tanba, Seizaburô Kawazu, Fumio Watanabe, Junko Miyazono, Kôji Nanbara, Michitarô Mizushima, Tamaki Sawa, Bunta Sugawara

Delinquent Boss: Ochô the She Wolf is the second (of 17) films in the Delinquent Boss or Wolves of the City saga, wich is based on a manga. Kosaka Hiroshi, the leader of the biker gang is locked up in Kurihama Juvenile Detention Centre where he forms a brotherhood with four other delinquents. They plan to break out but a Yakuza member, of the Teishin Group, tell the guards and instead there is a huge fight.

Five years later Kosaka is out on the streets again with his biker buddies. They run a garage and a dance studio(!). The dance studio is really a front for their more shady business. What they do is they teach young women to dance and sends them to London and Paris to work as dancers, but in reality they sell them into prostitution. Anyway one by one the other members of the brotherhood turns up and join Kosaka in his business.

Business is good. Maybe to good and they get into a conflict with the Teishin Group. When the Teshin Group closes down Kosakas business he is desperate for cash and decides to get back at the Yakuza by teaming up with Ochô, a female wandering professional gambler, and try to blackmail the Teshin Group. Ochô’s speciality when fighting is making oponents blind by throwing playing cards in their eyes. Her character became very popular and she later turned up in several other films outside of the Delinquent Boss series.

One of the five brothers, Gogo, grew up without his father who left when he was just a child. When Gogo is captured by the Teishin group it turns out his father is now a high ranking member of the Yakuza. His father tries to save him but they die together in a rain of bullets. Kosaka realizes he and his friends are loosing, but decides to avenge Gogo so the remaining brothers, the biker gang and Ochô plans an armed attack on the Teishin Group to take them out once and for all.

The film is entertaining. Sometimes the characters act a bit silly, but I think that’s because the actors are (and look) much older then their characters are supposed to be. You sort of forget that they are supposed to be juvenile delinquents when they look somewhere around 30.

My verdict: 5 out of 10.

Shark Lake

Shark Lake

Bottom Line Entertainment/FLF Films/Parkside Pictures/Tadross Media Group/Verdi Productions, USA, 2015
AKA: The Lake
Director: Jerry Dugan
Writer: Gabe Burnstein, David Anderson
Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Sara Malakul Lane, Lily Brooks O’Briant, Michael Aaron Milligan, Lance E. Nichols, Kay Galvin, James Chalke, Frederick Douglas Plunkett Jr., Ibrahim Renno, Miles Doleac, Ted Ferguson, Carol Ann Scruggs, Melissa Bolona, Jeremy Jude, Matalin Rayborn, Kelsey Deanne, Bobby C. King, Kim Baptiste, Ele Bardha, Andrew Stern, John Ceallach, James Donald, S.T. Streetman, Christine Hilts, Jermaine Hines, Hannah Jacole Powell-Yost, Jerry Atkinson Jr., Gage Banister, Alexandra Bujan, London Curtis, Greg Faul, Richard Maximus Fleming-Vlamingen, Tom Holzhauser, Philip Schreck, Lauren Margaret Wills

Dolph Lundgren is Clint Gray, an animal trafficker. He finds rare and dangerous animals for people who are willing to pay. According to the police he has, among other things, kept a burmese python, a wolf and a tiger in his house. In his van on his way to deliver such an animal, his house is raided by the police. There’s a high speed pursuit ending with Clint going of the road and into the lake. He gets shot by a female deputy, and ends up in jail.

Five years later he is released. The same deputy who shoot him has taken care of his daughter Carly while he was gone, and she is determined to do whatever she can to stop him from seeing her. At the same time some wild animal attacks and kills an old man at the lake. Everyone thinks it’s a bear so they find a bear and shoot it. Well it wasn’t a bear but a shark living in the lake. On the night of his arrest Clint was delivering the shark to some Mafia guy and when he crashed into the lake the shark got away.

This Mafia guy had paid for the shark so he figures Clint either pay him back or catches the shark for him. He threatens to hurt Carly if he doesn’t get it his way. The police is trying to catch the shark aided by a creepy wildlife documentary host and when that doesn’t work out so well they plan for a reward that will make every fisherman by or close to the lake want to catch it.

Carly sneaks off to go look for her dad. He’s not home so she checks out his boat. She is reported missing and police suspects Clint has kidnapped her. He doesn’t know Carly is hidden aboard as he goes shark fishing.

Everyone and his mother seem to really hate this film. OK, the story might be a bit predictable and the CGI looks pretty cheap, but apart from that I don’t think it’s to bad. It’s got Dolph and it’s got sharks. What else could You want?

My verdict: 6 out of 10.