Dead Season

Dead Season

USA, 2012
AKA: The Running Dead
Director: Adam Deyoe
Writer: Adam Deyoe, Joshua Klausner, Loren Semmens
Cast: Scott Peat, Marissa Merrill, James C. Burns, Corsica Wilson, Marc L. Fusco, Todd Pritchett, Grant Beijon, Kevin O. Matta, Anna Vawser, Greg Weisman, Leishla M. Perez Figeroa, Sean McDonald, Dave Wilhoit, Barbara Kerford, Carmen Gloria, Matt Aidan, Sue Braden, Jeanette Caldera, Randall Carver, Tom Caster, Louis Chalif, Phil Connery, Amy Coughlin, Scott Deckert, Erica Delgado, Adam Deyoe, Douglas J. Eboch, Mia Eden, David Eshelman, Nancye Ferguson, Dawn Ferris, Randy Francis, Mariella Fredo, Daisy Galvis, Daniel Gavin, Jordan Graham, Woodrow Wilson Hancock III, Benny Harris, Jostel Hason, Jeb Heil, Alexis Hernandez, Dan Hicks, Jessica Houghton, Ben Idom. Stefan Ionesco, Derek Jacobsen, Danny J. Lee, Joel Michaely, Christian Mooney, Teresa R. Parker, Ava Peat, Matt Peat, Tonya Peat, Sara Raftery, Jeyson L. Robles, Natalie Smyka, Mr. Snake, Rachel Tamayo, Evelyn Vaccaro, Evelyn Osorio Vaccaro, Amanda Wigley, Collin Wigley, James Zimbardi

Prior to the zombie apocalypse Elvis was working as an EMT in Pittsburgh. Now, a year later, he has buried his family and walked from Pittsburgh to Florida, where he is trying his best to survive anyway he can. At night he talks to Tweeter on the radio. He has never met her but he tells her of his plan to get away from the zombie infested main lands. A guy he used to work with is living at a marina in Miami and is helping people get away by supplying boats and travel plans for them. One night Tweeter and a kid she met two months ago turns up at Elvis’ place. They’re actually there to try to steal food from him, but as they don’t get away with it instead they form sort of an alliance and follows him towards the coast.

When they arrive at the marina, Leach (Dan Hicks of Evil Dead II and Darkman fame) first reacts in a funny way when he see Tweeter and the kid. They trade Elvis’ food supplies for a boat and directions to this supposedly zombie free island. He warns them that the fish isn’t edible due to radiation from earlier nuclear testing on the island. The only way from Leach’s place to the boat is through a warehouse full of zombies. By the look on Leach’s face when they leave, and by his reaction when he saw Tweeter and the kid, I got he impression that he knew what was awaiting them on the island, or didn’t believe they would make it to the boat alive. Either way he didn’t care to much as it was business as usual to him. And behold – Leach turns up again later in found footage on a certain island.

The kid doesn’t make it, but Elvis and Tweeter has to abandon the boat when it runs out of fuel not far from the beaches of the island. They swim ashore and set out to explore it. It doesn’t take long before they run into both zombies and a group of people living in a gated community. Elvis is more than welcome since their previous doctor is dead, but Tweeter isn’t so sure about the group. She stumbles upon some home movies, and among them there are tapes of medical experiments on humans infected by zombie bites but not yet dead. By keeping them alive and shutting of blood flow body parts can be amputated and meat “harvested” before they turn into zombies. Why let good meat go to waste?

My first impression of Dead Season was that it was yet another generic zombie film. It felt like a rip off of The Walking Dead, and they even referred to the zombies as “walkers”, but according to the filmmakers the script for Dead Season predates TWD and filming was mostly done when TWD premiered. Since The Walking Dead is based on comic books, those could still be an inspiration. I first found the film average. Not really bad, but not really bad either. But then it somehow got to me and the story sucked me in. It’s obvious the filmmakers are zombi enthusiasts as there are a number of references to other films and zombie lore. First of all the zombie apocalypse starts in Pittsburgh, which of course, as everybody knows, is the zombie capitol of the world ever since Romero’s Night of the Living Dead and it’s sequels. We have human experiments and zombies on islands in both Romero’s Day of the Dead and in Fulci’s Zombi 2 and Zombi 3. There is also a zombie stowaway on a boat in Zombi 2. At the compound they are speaking width someone on a military base just outside London on the radio, and he tells them England is practically taken over by the dead and that they are now running. This is probably a reference to the 28 Days Later franchise.

The title for the British DVD release is The Running Dead. I’ve never been a fan of running zombies and I figure this is why it took me so long to get around to watch Dead Season. Ironically there are no running zombies in it until the last part of the film, and then we get an explanation to why these running zombies don’t behave like they used to do. I’ve read several reviews where people apparently missed this explanation and are confused to why some zombies are fast while the rest is not, but to me it was like “WOW, so that’s why!”. To me this explanation makes Dead Season build a bridge between two separate zombie lines and actually changing the rulebook. An speaking of rulebooks, the book Leach is reading when Elvis knocks on his door is The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, author of World War Z.

All those references made me reconsider and Dead Season went from average to above average. It was even better when re-watched.

My verdict: 6 out of 10.

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Total Devastation

Total Devastation

Fauzi A. Mansur Cinematográfica, Virgínia Filmes, Brazil, 1986
AKA:Total Devastation Until the Last Orgasm, Devassidão Total, Devassidão Total até o Último Orgasmo
Director: Fauzi Mansur
Writer: Wilson Vaz
Cast: Neusa Dias, Márcia Ferro, Custódio Gomes, R. Martinele, Sheila Santos, Paulo Soares, Ronaldo Amaral, Francisco Viana

Four women are kept prisoners of a fifth sadistic woman. She keeps them naked in a cage most of the time, but they are sometimes allowed out to do washing and cleaning, and then they put on clothes.

The sadistic woman uses them for her own sexual gratification. She also has men come over and rape them and she even makes a captured gorilla have sex with one of them.

This Woman in Prison film from Brazil is a bit odd. I never got who this sadistic woman was, who her slaves were or why they were being kept in a cage in the first place. And what’s with the gorilla? I’d think chances are very small for a pet gorilla even in Africa and smaller yet anywhere else. The story is non-existing, special effects consists of a gorilla suit. The sex is explicit and not simulated but rather uninspired and sort of 70’s-ish.

My verdict: 3 out of 10.

Delinquent Girl: Alleycat in Heat

Nikkatsu, Japan, 1973
AKA: Furyô Shôjo: Noraneko No Seishun, Delinquent girl: Stray Cat in Heat
Director: Chûsei Sone
Writer: Norio Miyashita
Cast: Yûko Katagiri, Setsuko Ôyama, Eimei Esumi, Jôji Sawada, Hyôe Enoki, Hidetoshi Kageyama, Akira Takahashi, Michiko Komori

Hatoko is a farm girl from Osaka. She has a lover whom she meets for a “roll in the hay” on a regular basis. They decide to elope together to Tokyo. Hatoko lives with her single mother who is having an affair with the local pharmacist. He is flirting with Hatoko and trying to feel her up, and her mother doesn’t seem to care.

When Hatoki gets to the train station all dressed up and ready for the big city, her lover doesn’t show. She waits for a long time and then she tries to phone him, but he doesn’t answer. Eventually she has to board the train without him and go to Tokyo all by her self. At the station in Tokyo a man in a suit is watching her and when she leaves he follows her. When Hatoko is approached by another man he drags her away. He tells her the other man is dangerous, that she is to naive and goodhearted for her own good, but that he, Gomame, can take care of her. He takes her home and tries to rape her. He doesn’t have to as she likes him and agrees to have sex with him. While their at it two neighburs walks in and they have sex with her to when Gomame is done.

At night Gomame steals Hatokos money from her handbag. He’s a gambler betting on horses but he looses and he owes money to the yakuza. The yakuza tells him his debt is paid if they can have Hatoko. When home alone Hatoko peeps on the two neighbors having sex with girls and teaching them to strip and doing lesbian shows. When Gomame comes home he lies about trying to find a job. Hatoko offers to help and he gets her a jobb as a masseuse in a Turkish bath giving “happy endings”. Eventually Gomame gets impotent when thinking of her work and he agrees to sell her to the yakuza.

Hatoko is moved to the home of Gorô, a yakuza and a customer at the bath. He falls in love with her and asks the boss to give her to him, but the boss refuses. His decision is Hatoko will work as a whore for the yakuza.

This is a tragic story really, about a girl that is let down and used by everyone she trusts. However she doesn’t see it that way. When she runs into Gomame years later he apologies to her for selling her to the yakuza, but she says it’s OK. She’s doing fine and whatever has happened to her didn’t really matter.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Mega Shark vs. Gigant Octupus

The Asylum, Giant Seafood, USA, 2009
AKA:
Director: Jack Perez
Writer: Jack Perez
Cast: Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, Vic Chao, Jonathan Nation, Mark Hengst, Michael Teh, Chris Haley, Sean Lawlor, Dustin Harnish, Dean Kreyling, Stephen Blackehart, Dana DiMatteo, Myles Cranford, Dana Healey, John Bolen, Larry Wang Parrish, Aki Hiro, Russ Kingston, Stephanie Gernhauser, Cooper Harris, Matt Lagan, Douglas N. Hachiya, Hunter Ives, Johnny Gilligan, Michael Allendorf, Colin Broussard, Mikos Zavros, Elijah Flores, Daniel Schachtel, Nathan Sikes, David Meador, Jay Beyers, Michael C. Parisi, Michael Drummond, Molly Drummond, Emily Lavigna, Michelle Hodnett, Silje Gruner, Joey Ruggles, Knayi Clement, Brandon Plemons, Conrad Lihilihi, Rebecca Helm, Chan Park, Chuck Willis, Craig Childress, Jay Cynik, Andrew Hamilton, Artem Shatokhin, Jason Covington, Alan Michael Woods, Angela Guerrero, James Rolls, Julia Torchine, Sharon Stockbridge, David William James Elliott, S. Henderson, Sergio Kato, Jack Perez, Dana Tomasko

Oceanographer Emma McNeil is in a experimental minisub off the Alaskan coast in an unsanctioned dive looking for whales. She didn’t technically steal the sub but she borrowed it without asking. She finds a big herd of whales but something happens. The whales seem to be disturbed by something and several of them seem to lose their ability to navigate, making them crash into an iceberg. There is some sort of secret testing of a LFAS (low frequency automatic sonar) going on and nobody was supposed to be in the area. The LFAS affects the subs instruments too, and Emma has a hard time trying to steer it in the middle of a stampede of whales. The iceberg cracks and two enormous shapes seem to leave after geting loose from being trapped in the ice.

In California a big whale carcass has been washed ashore and Emma is called there together with her boss to determine what has killed the whale. The beach is sealed off by “suits”. Emma want to examine the whale to see what caused it’s death, but her boss decides the wounds to be caused by a propeller. Emma sneaks back to the beach later that night and find something big and strange embedded in the whale’s flesh. The next day she is fired from her job over “borrowing” the experimental sub and causing severe damages to it. She contacts her old professor, Sanders, and he is sympathetic, since he once got fired from the navy for stealing a sub himself. After some research and some tests they determine the object Emma found in the whale to be a tooth. A humongous prehistoric tooth from a Megalodon.

Meanwhile an oilrig off the coast of Japan is destroyed. Authorities blame seismic activity, but the sole survivor claims it was a monster from the sea. Oceanographer Seiji Shimada is investigating the event and somehow he and Sanders gets in contact. Shimada travel to the US to meet Sanders and Emma. He is impressed by the Megalodon tooth, but a giant shark doesn’t fit in with what his witness from the oilrig described. Emma gets a DVD delivered with footage from the minisub’s cameras. Now they can see both a megalodon and a giant octopus leaving the iceberg. The shark and the octopus were both frozen in the ice and now there are two different prehistoric beasts out there.

All of a sudden armed men tear down Sanders’ door and haul the tre scientists off at gun point. They are taken to a secret facility where they learn that the two monsters have attacked both civilian and military vessels all over the world, taking down oil rigs and even airplanes. The navy has tried in vain to kill them but now they need help from Emma, Sanders and Shimada. The three agree to help, in exchange for the government trying to capture the creatures for study rather than destroy them.

Emma. Sanders and Shimoda works around the clock with mixing different colors in the secret lab. You know it’s a military laboratory since it’s patrolled by armed guards wearing camouflage and dark sunglasses indoors in the middle of the night. Emma and Shimada sneaks off and have sex in a broom cupboard and then at last, they find the exact color they need. It’s time to go fishing.

So how bad is it? Well, the title for one thing is not so bad. Apart from that it’s pretty bad. Unfortunately not in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way, but just plain bad. The CGI sucks and the script is dull. It’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen (or even among the very worst), since it was still watchable. I’d say the big problem is it was boring. If You like the idea of two giant sea monsters coming alive and continuing a fight they started 10 (or 18, depending on who You believe in) billion years ago, of a shark jumping up in the air and snatching 747’s, of a giant octopus breaking warships in half and demolishing oil rigs, watch the trailer. All the cool stuff from the film is already there. The rest is just filling.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Horror Hospital

Horror Hospital

Noteworthy Films, UK, 1973
AKA: Computer Killers/Death Ward #13/Eastworld/Doctor Bloodbath
Director: Antony Balch
Writer: Antony Balch, Alan Watson
Cast: Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw, Ellen Pollock, Dennis Price, Skip Martin, Kurt Christian, Barbara Wendy, Kenneth Benda, Martin Grace, Colin Skeaping, George Herbert, James Boris IV, Allan ‘The River’ Hudson, Simon Lust, Antony Balch, Ray Corbett, Richard Gordon, Alan Watson

Jason Jones was vocalist with a rock band. After being sacked he goes and see them perform and end up in a fight with their new transvestite singer. Fed up with everything he decides to have a holliday. He finds an ad for “Hairy Holidays, Fun and Sun for the under 30’s” and decides to go. The creepy travel agent comes on to him and want to take him to the Bahamas, but when he realizes it’s the “Hairy Holiday” Jason wants he gives him a special prize of 5 pounds for the whole week. He doesn’t even want to be paid in advance.

On the train Jason meet Judy. She is going to visit an aunt she has never met. Her aunt and her mother had an arguement before Judy was born and never spoke since. Aunt Harris used to run a brothel in Hamburg before the second world war. She hooked up with a strange finnish doctor and when the war broke out he took her with him to Helsinki. After the war she brought him with her back to England. Now, Judy’s mother has died and aunt Harris is her only relative. It turns out Jason and Judy is going to the same place, since Doctor Storm is the one running the “Hairy Holiday” health hotel.

There were supposed to be a car waiting by the station, but after waiting for some time they ask the stationmaster for directions and take off on foot. They are caught in the rain and take cover in an old ruin, Eventually they get picked up by two men on motorcycles working for Dr. Storm, and are delivered to a big mansion. They are let in by a dwarf and signed in by a woman who turns out to be Judy’s aunt. She is upset to see Judy. She had sent her a letter telling her specifically not to come visit, but Judy never got the letter. There is a shortage of rooms so Jason and Judy have to share one despite Judys objections. She doesn’t object when he join her in the shower later on though.

When shown to their room by the dwarf, Frederick, a man with a big scar on his forhead comes out of a room and in the room the bedsheets are drenched in blood. The dwarf says someone had a small accident and hopes they’ll be more lucky.

At dinner Jason and Judy sits down with the other guests, and tries to make conversation. All the others are dressed in white, quite pale and with big scars on their forheads. None of them answers or even looks at the newcomers. When aunt Harris sits down with them they ask her what is going on, but before they get any answers a girl named Millie, the only other person at the table without the scar, trows a tantrum and is hauled off by two motorcyclists in black leathers and white helmets. None of the others reacts to this, but Jason and Judy are shocked and goes back to their room. Dr. Storm, who is in a wheelchair, comes and see them. Judy sais she want to leave, but the house is locked down for the night and there is nowhere to go. Dr. Storm tells her to stay for the night and wait till morning. He claims she and Jason will be quite safe as long as they stay in their room an keep the door locked.

Aunt Harris and Fredrick are digging graves in the garden while Jason and Judy make love. Later on Jason sneaks out to see if he can find out what’s really going on in this weird manor. Judy gets tired of waiting and follows him. She finds a room with eight beds. It looks like the people in them are dead but they remove the covering over their heads and look at her. They all have scars. When Jason get back to the room Judy is gone. He sees some kind of disfiguered monster before he is knocked out from behind.

Next day Jason finally learns what is going on. Dr. Storm is luring young people to his place and operating on them in his lab. He has developed a technique of brain surgery which turn his victims into zombies. They feel nothing and have no will of their own but are controlled with a computer. Judy is being held in a cell with Millie. Preparations for Millies operation has begun and after her it’s Judy’s turn. Then Jasons’. Jason manages to escape but is being hunted by the motorcyclists. Will he get away from them and will he be able to save Judy before she is turned into a mindless zombie?

Horror Hospital might have been the definition of gore in 1973, but by todays standards it’s pretty innocent and tame. It’s still good for a few laughs, though. The story is over the top with a Rolls Royce used for decapitating escapees, a gym full of zombies, an army of bikers in black leather, brain surgery and nightly burials in the garden. It reminds me of The Rocky Horror Picture Show but without the music. If they did a remake today I’m sure it would be a blockbuster. Somebody call Hollywood!

My verdict: 8 out of 10.

Burn, Witch, Burn

Burn Witch Burn

Independent Artists, UK, 1962
AKA: Night of the Eagle
Director: Sidney Hayers
Writer: Fritz Leiber Jr., Charles Beaumont, Richard Matheson, George Baxt
Cast: Peter Wyngarde, Janet Blair, Margaret Johnston, Anthony Nicholls, Colin Gordon, Kathleen Byron, Reginald Beckwith, Jessica Dunning, Norman Bird, Judith Stott, Bill Mitchell, Paul Frees, George Roubicek, Frank Singuineau, Gary Woolf

Burn, Witch, Burn is based on Conjure Wife, the first novel by Fritz Leiber Jr. The same novel has also been filmed as Weird Woman, directed by Reginald Le Borg in 1944, and as Witches’ Brew, directed by Richard Shorr and Herbert L. Strock in 1980.

Prof. Norman Taylor is teaching psychology at the Hempnell Medical Collage. He is well respected by his students, he has a beautiful house, a small cottage at the sea, a loving wife, Tansy, and is considered for a place at the board. He is very successful. So successful that on bridge night at his and Tansy’s one of his fellow teachers asks if he had sold his soul to the devil.

Norman is a firm disbeliever in anything occult, so when he finds out his wife has been practicing Witchcraft he is shocked. She claims witchcraft is the source of a lot of his success, and that there are people who tries to hurt him out of envy, and she is afraid of what would happen if her protective spells wasn’t there. Norman won’t hear anything about it and makes her burn all artefacts having to do with witchcraft.

Next week Normans luck seems to have turned. He almost gets run over by a van, and when he gets to work he is confronted by one of his students who is upset and jealous because his girlfriend, also a student of Normans, has whispered Normans name when he told her he loved her. He now believe his girlfriend and their teacher is having an affair. Then Norman is called to a meeting and learns that the same girl claims he has forced himself on her. When he gets back to his office the boyfriend is back and pulls a gun on him.

When Norman gets home he gets a tape in the mail. It’s a recording of a lecture he’s given on superstition. When he plays the tape he is getting affected by something. Tansy turns the tape recorder off, but the phone rings and the effect continues through the phone line. Someone or something is at the door making hideous sounds and trying to get in but everything is back to normal when Tansy manages to hang up. She is convinced someone is trying to kill Norman by ways of black magic.

Next day Tansy is gone. She has left a message for Norman explaining that she intends to sacrifice her self so he can be safe. Norman sets out to find her before she does something horrible, but will he find her in time. and who can he trust?

It’s pretty obvious early on in the film who is behind everything, but is it really witchcraft or is it just manipulating Normans mind? Either way it’s a suspenseful story.

My verdict: 5 out of 10.

Bounty Killer

Bounty Killer

Just Chorizo Productions/Kickstart Productions, USA, 2013
AKA:
Director: Henry Saine
Writer: Jason Dodson, Colin Ebeling, Henry Saine
Cast: Matthew Marsden, Kristanna Loken, Christian Pitre, Barak Hardley, Abraham Benrubi, Gary Busey, Beverly D’Angelo, Eve, Kevin McNally, Alexa PenaVega, Jolene Andersen, Chasty Ballesteros, Ivar Brogger, Cham, Tyra Colar, Will Collyer, Robbie Davis, Vince Dyer, Chris Graue, Alex Huynh, Ryan Hanna King, Everton Lawrence, Jeff Meacham, Jessica Meraz, Soon Hee Newbold, Mindy Robinson, Alex Scolari, Andre Drekno Simmons, Robert Tarpinian, Calvin Tenner, Melvin Tenner, Matthew Willig, Cathy Zukimoto, Lacey Joy

“I’m stealing a stagecoach from a bunch of savages with a wanted criminal moonlighting as a bounty killer, who has the hots for a murderous deranged gypsy. I’ve never stopped believing.”

– Gun Caddie Jack LeMans

The big corporations got more and more powerful until they took over the world’s governments. Their hunger for profit made them wage war on competition with their own armies. This led to what has been known as the Corporate Wars, which became the end of the civilized world as we know it. Out of the ashes rose The Council of Nine trying to bring back law and order to the world. They issue death warrants on white collar criminals and bounty killers are hunting these criminals down for the reward. The survivors of the apocalypse sees these bounty killers as avengers. Twenty years after the war bounty killers are the new heroes, the new rock stars, the new celebrities.

Two competing bounty killers, Drifter and Mary Death, hits a corporate party at a penthouse together. Before going in guns blazing Drifter tells Mary Death he only wants one of the people inside, and she can have all the rest. Next day Drifter turn up in San Dalloosa City with a body to collect the reward. There is a cheering crowd and he is approached by a reporter wanting an interview and Jack LeMans who want’s to be his new gun caddie. Drifter tells the reporter off. He never do interviews. Then Mary Death turns up in her Mustang with her own logo on it and a trailer stacked with dead bodys, the crowd looses all interest in Drifter. Mary Death is selling t-shirts, signing autographs and posing for pictures. Drifter finds out there is a death warrant issued for his old friend Harry. As he and his new gun caddie leaves to try to find Frank and find out what’s happened there is a new warrant coming through on the faxmachine. This warrant is for Drifter.

When Mary Death finds out about the death warrant issued for Drifter she goes after him and catches up at Harry’s bar in Drip Rock. Mary confronts him and he admits that before he was Drifter he was Francis Goreman, CEO of a weapons manufacturing corporation. He sais he has to go see the Council of Nine and talk to the judges. No one has ever appealed a death warrant before and Mary sais this would be suicide since the council guards will kill him on sight. Harry was already dead when Drifter arrived and he suspects luring him there was a trap. Before they have a chance to finish their conversation, and Mary to decide wether to help Drifter or to kill him, they are attacked by “yellow ties”.

Drifter and LeMans get away and head for the Council. To get there they have to cross the dangerous Badlands, but as they are getting close to the border they are captured by gypsys. Those are fierce facepainted savages rumourded to be cannibals. The gypsy queen interogates them of the whereabouts of a gypsy girl named Nuri. She ran away some years ago after killing the gypsy king, and she had talked about trying to find Drifter. Despite being tortured Drifter denies all knowledge of this Nuri girl. We, on the other hand, learns that Nuri is Mary Death. Drifter created her. He trained her, taught her everything he knew and for some time they hade a love affair but eventually things got sour between them. Drifter and LeMans escapes from the gypsys but not before a big bloody fight. Jimbo, a coyote, which is a person who smuggles white collars out of bounty killers territory, but also Drifter’s snitch, has crossed the Badlands before so they go see him to persuade him to take them.

Meanwhile, Mary Death is lost in the Badlands. When trying to find her way out she finds a gypsy scout dying from radiation. He tells her the gypsys are in the Badlands because they are coming for her. She has to find her way out of the Badlands before the radiation kills her or the gypsys find her, and she has to decide if she is to speak to the judges on Drifter’s behalf or if she is going to kill him and collect the reward.

I didn’t really know much about this film as I sat down to watch it. I had seen some bad reviews and most of these compared it to Mad Max, but claimed it was a bleak copy. I loved Mad Max (and The Road Warrior) when I saw it on rental VHS as a kid and I’ve seen my share of clones good and bad through the years. I didn’t expect much from Bounty Killer but boy was I in for a surprise. I see why so many compare it to Mad Max, but I don’t see the “copy” thing. Mad Max was obviously one inspiration, but it’s no clone. Bounty Killer is a tongue in cheek action film in a dystopian post apocalypse setting. It’s styled to death shootouts in designer outfits. Mary Death is as rock’nroll as it gets. I for one, would buy the t-shirt!

My verdict: 9 out of 10.

Delinquent Girl Boss: Worthless to Confess

Delinquent Girl Boss: Worthless to Confess

Toei Company, Japan, 1971
AKA: Zubekô Banchô: Zange No Neuchi Mo Nai/Delinquent Girl Boss: Unworthy of Penance
Director: Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Writer: Norio Miyashita, Kazuhiko Yamaguchi
Cast: Reiko Oshida, Junzaburô Ban, Nobuo Kaneko, Yumiko Katayama, Yukie Kagawa, Tsunehiko Watase, Ichirô Nakatani, Tonpei Hidari, Yôko Ichiji, Shizuko Kasagi, Masumi Tachibana, Mieko Tsudoi

I realize I left out part 3, Delinquent Girl Boss: Ballad of the Yokohama Hoods. It’s supposed to be in my collection but for some reason, I couldn’t find it. So here is part 4, and I will write about part 3 when I find it. When I watched Delinquent Girl Boss: Tokyo Drifters I first wasn’t sure whether it was supposed to be a sequel to the first film or if it was a remake. There were differences but there were also many themes that existed in both films even though they were partially reworked.

When watching DGB: Worthless to Confess, I realize Yamaguchi is using the same story over and over but toying with different variations. This time as always, the story begins with Rika being an inmate at Akagi Girls School for Juvenile Delinquents. There is a viewing of what is supposed to be an educational film but instead is a violent action movie with a very popular actor, and when the principal stops the film the girls are upset on the verge of rioting. Then comes the “bath scene” where the girls undress and goes into the pool. In DGB: Blossoming Night Dreams there is a big fight in the bath house where all the girls are involved, in DGB: Tokyo Drifters the girls riot when the physician acts like a creep and tries to force the pregnant girl to undress against her will. The fight in the bath is now all the girls against the female guard who is stripped on her keys and her clothes and thrown in the pool, as the girls stage the mass escape. In DGB: Worthless to Confess, there is only a small altercation between two of the girls. In all 3 films Rika is released one year later, but instead of getting jobs at a dry cleaner or a toy factory where her supervisors try to get into her pants, she goes straight to the nice honest person that takes her in. This time it’s no Madame (club owner or head of street vendor clan) but a Master. Rika moves in with Mr. Muraki, the father of Midori, her cellmate at Akagi, and she get a job in his car shop. Midori and her father are estranged, but Rika tries to make peace between them. Midori’s boyfriend is yakuza and he is one of the family trying to pressure her father for money.

Another of the girls from Akagi, Mari, has big problems. Her husband is yakuza and has been in jail for many years where he became very ill, and his former friends doesn’t help out so Mari must try to make money enough by posing for nude paintings. She is pregnant so she doesn’t know for how long she can go on. Instead of street vendor Bon, who was Rikas love interest and the son of Madame, we now have a truckdriver who is also the younger brother of Mari’s ill husband.

When Rika learns that the yakuza has blackmailed Mr. Muraki and taken 3000 yen from him she goes there and asks to have the money back. She says she will do anything they want if they return the money. They tell her to strip naked but before she loses her underwear Midori interferes. Just like in DGB: Blossoming Night Dreams the yakuza is willing to trade the girls for land. This time from Mr. Muraki.

Muraki goes there and reveals to the yakuza that he used to be one of them. In fact he once cut their leader across the face with a razor. When they learn who he is they get afraid and let him take the girls with him. Midori leaves her boyfriend and is moving back home. (This mirrors Bons homecoming to Madame in the second Rika-film.) Mari’s husband tells the boss of the yakuza that Mari is pregnant and that he wants out. He is asked to carry out one last job – to murder Mr. Muraki. He is getting paid 3000 yen for the job. The same 3000 that was taken from Muraki. He tries to stab Muraki with a knife, but even though he is very drunk, Muraki manages to take the knife from his hand. Yakuza then kills both of them.

Rika and the other girls vows to avenge Muraki and just as they did in DGB: Tokyo Drifters, they dress up in red matching trench coats and do “the march of death” to the yakuza headquarters for the final showdown.

If DGB: Tokyo Drifters was lighter, more of a comedy version of the Rika-saga, DGB: Worthless to Confess, is darker again. I’d say it’s the darkest of the three I’ve seen. This doesn’t mean it’s no fun at all. While the swordfight between the girls and the yakuza was chaotic in the first film it’s choreographed this time. One of the girls have a sudden nip slip in the middle of it all and one of the others shouts “Senmitsu, Your boobs!” and helps her put them back, Katanas still cutting everything close enough around them.

My verdict: 5 out of 10.

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

Syfy/The Asylum, USA, 2011
AKA: ?
Director: Mary Lambert
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman
Cast: Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, A Martinez, Kathryn Joosten, Kevin M. Horton, Carey Van Dyke, Micky Dolenz, Robert R. Shafer, Carl Ciarfalio, Steve Hart, Kaiwi Lyman, Patrick Hancock, Arden Cho, Chris Neville, Kristen Wilson, Jack Nathan Harding, Angelica Acedo, David Bantly, Kimberly Bishop, Harmony Blossom, Colleen Bosler, Jay Beyers, Clint Brink, Eddie Caldwell, Ashley Carr, Mo Caudell, Antonio D. Charity, Kate Charceston, Lauren Kim, David Chick , Robert Chu, Jenifer Cononico, Kenny Cooper, Jo Jo Crown, Candice Cunningham, Frank Lyon, Michael Dixon, Jeff DuJardin, Kim Farris, Andy Finan, Vicki Finan, Taryn T. Francis, Myron Fulton, David L. Garber, Enid Garber, Howard Gibson, Peter Grimaldo, Suzanne Gutierrez, Song Hanz, Jon Henderson, John F. Henry II, Daniel Hepner, Kylan James, Justin Jones, Mark Kivisto, Rachel Lary, Ryan Latour, Banen, Armonn Livingston, Scott Mannschreck, Lucy Mattos, Roxanna Medina, Henry Miller, Khin Myint, Cindy Newland, Derric J. Nugent, Cassandra Peca, Isabel Perez, Danielle Phelan, Antonio Quinn, Lauren Rideau, Renee Riess, Elma Rogers, Gabriella Volquartz, Peter Trenholm Smith, Vanessa Claire Stewart, Craig Stansfield, Archie Tullos ,Joseph Vega, April Wahlin, Carlo, Meredith Zerda, Valerie K. Garcia, Gregory Paul Smith, Timothy E. Goodwin, Gil Harris, Vincent De Paul, Sarah Belger, Coby Bird, Nick Bird, Thomas J. Clark, Deanna DeLisle, Jay Gillespie, Joseph Kintzer, Bob Merrick, Andrew Senita, Jennifer Skiffington, Douglas Smith, January Welsh, John Escobedo Jr., Nathan Krosley, Gary Colón, Kristen Erdogan, Erin Kolpek, Abbey Lerman, Nadejda Klein, Eric Scott Cooper, Roxy Gannon, Michael Gaglio, Angela Landis, Joseph Martinez, Ken Anthony II, Cash Flagg Jr., Mc Jones, Travis Seaborn, Christian Villarreal, Marissa Welsh

Dr. Nikki Riley and her group of animal rights activists break in to a private house and steal a number of pythons which they set free in the Everglades. There aren’t really any natural enemies to the snakes and they start to grow into extreme sizes. Eventually they start to attack alligators and kills 72 of them over a weekend. The decline in alligators make Park Ranger Terry O’Hara stop all alligator hunting permits. This upsetts the local hunters, but when she finds out giant snakes are the cause of the decline, she issues hunting permits for pythons instead. Dr. Riley isn’t happy and she and her group rally ouside the Park Ranger office.

Before the hunting expedition leaves one of the rangers instructs them on how to cut the snakes heads off and stresses the fact that they have to crush the heads after cutting them off, since they can stay alive up to an hour after being separated from the body. This information could have come in handy later on in the movie if everybody had listened. The snakehunters manages to kill some of the big pythons, but the pythons strike back and several of the hunters are killed. Among them Terry’s fiancee justin. Terry vows to avenge his death, and to get rid of all the snakes she figuers bigger alligators would tip the scale. Together with a co-ranger she in secret starts to inject dead chickens with anabolic steroids, and feed them to the alligators. Her plan seems to work since the alligators are getting bigger and the pythons are getting fewer. Terry doesn’t know that Nikki and her group has put up cameras all over the place and has managed to film Terry feeding the gators.

Six months later Terry is planning a fund raiser to help preserv wildlife. Dr. Diego Ortiz asks her to cancel the fund raiser. He has witnessed a huge python and an even bigger alligator fight each other and he realises there is a war between the two gigantic species. He wants to call in the National Guard before things get even worse. Terry refuses to listen and goes ahead with the fund raiser. Diego finds hundreds of alligator eggs 30 times their normal size. He blows them up with dynamite, but later he finds a cave where there are thousands more. Nikki and her group discovers a python skeleton the size of a train and get attacked by an alligator big as a house. She realises why Terry was feeding the gators and what she has done, so she heads for the fund raiser to confront her. Terry and Nikki gets into a catfight nockin glasses, chairs and tables over. They fight all over the place and end up in the river. During their figt Diego has tried to call them to get them to evacuate. The alligators and the pythons has stopped fighting and are on their way to town and the fund raiser together. Finally Terry and Nikki realise they have to stop fighting and work together if they are gonna be able to stop the reptiles from getting all the way to Miami.

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is rather silly really, but I suppose nobody expects any Oscar nominations from The Asylum or SyFy. If You take it for what it is, it is entertaining at least. I thought it was fun, but it won’t make my top 10 list. Probably not even my top 100. If You never saw a snake eat a train this film is for You.

My verdict: 4 out of 10.

Lake Placid 3

Lake Placid 3

Stage 6 Films/RCR Media Group/UFO Films/Curmudgeon Films, USA, 2010
AKA: ?
Director: Griff Furst
Writer: David Reed
Cast: Colin Ferguson, Yancy Butler, Kirsty Mitchell, Kacey Clarke, Jordan Grehs, Michael Ironside, Mark Evans, Nils Hognestad, Bianca Ilich, Angelica Penn, Brian Landon, Atanas Srebrev, Don Andersen, Roxanne Pallett, James Marchant, Velizar Binev, John Laskowski, Ivo Simeonov, Kremena Otashliyska

Everyone, oddly enough, just like in Lake Placid 2 has totally forgot about earlier crocodile attacks. A brittish teen couple hitches a ride to the lake to hang out by the water and have sex on the beach. OC they end upp as crocodile food. Just like the bugarians who had the same idea in number 2. At this point I realised my version of the film was the cut TV-version so I missed out on all the tits and Roxanne Paletts much talked about full frontal nudity.

Crazy Sadie Bickerman’s nephew Nathan, his wife Susan and his young son Connor is at the lakehouse to clean out her (an her sisters) stuff. They plan to sell the house, but since people are still a bit freaked out about crocs, they decide to keep it until they can get a better prise. Connor who wants a pet, wanders off and find a cople of baby crocs which he starts to feed. Guess it runs in the family. The family goes back to town, but since Nathan is a game warden and has a problem with elks disappering en masse in the area around the lake, and Susan is a successful real estate agent and never home, Connor sneaks off to the lake to feed the crocodiles as often as he can. He even begins to steal meat at the store.

Nathan suspects Reba, a female poacher but most likely the elks became crocodile food. When he finds the severed head of a big elk he calls on Sheriff Willinger. Willinger has checked the entire lake four times and is certain there are no more crocs, but it turns out he is wrong. He and Nathan goes out in a boat to try and hunt the crocodiles down and kill them before they kill any more people. Meanwhile a teenager hires Reba as a guide to help him find his girlfriend, who is somewhere in the woods surrounding the lake. His girlfriend, Ellie, has gone camping with another girl and two creeps. One of them tries every trick to get the girls naked and when they changes into bikinis he is spying on them and filming them with his phone. The other one has lied to Ellie about her boyfriend cheating on her and that’s why she went along camping.

Connor sneaks off to the Lake House to feed the crocodiles but he is followed by Vica, the babysitter. Her dog is killed by a crocodile and she is severly bitten, but Susan turns up and she and Connor get Vica into the lake house. Their cellphones doesn’t work and crocodiles are staking out the yard so they can’t get to the car but is stuck in the house.

Reba, two poacher friends of hers and Ellies boyfriend is on a boat when the crocodiles attack them and kill one of the poachers. The crocodiles attack again in the woods. It’s getting dark so they decide to try to get to the lake house, unaware of the crocodile siege. Nathan and Sheriff Willinger is going for the lake house to and even Ellie is on her way there, even if she doesn’t know where she’s going.

The crocodiles in Lake Placid 3 is different from the ones in 1 and 2. They seem to be more intelligent and they seem to hunt as a group. When some of the people from the lake house finally manages to get away the crocodiles follows into town and attacks again in the same store where Connor stole meat to feed them.

Since I was watching the titless version there wasn’t really any skin, but there was definitely more blood and fiercer crocodile attacks than before. The film felt a bit darker and at first I felt it was going to be better than Lake Placid 2, even if not as good as Lake Placid 1. I soon changed my mind though. Apart from Michael Ironside and some of the smallest parts, acting was terrible. Most of the time overacting as if they didn’t take their part seriosly themselves. There wasn’t really a story and most of the characters were annoying, stupid or mean, so You just couldn’t wait to see them get eaten. Reba was probably supposed to be some sort of female Rambo, but she was just silly and over the top. The film would have been much better without her, but I hear she returns in the next sequel. So compared to part 2 I would say more blood (+), less story (-) and less believable characters (-).

My verdict: 4 out of 10.